The Shocking Reality of Modern Success
How Your Hopes are Keeping You Stuck in a Rut
The Illusion of Progress
You’d think with all our technological advancements—smartphones, instant access to endless information, the ability to connect with anyone across the globe—that life would naturally get easier, more fulfilling. After all, isn’t progress supposed to solve our problems? But here’s the harsh truth: despite these advancements, many of us still feel lost, unfulfilled, and disconnected.
Take, for example, one of my clients—a woman who landed what she thought was her dream job. It was everything she had worked for: high-paying, prestigious, the culmination of years of effort. Yet, shortly after starting, she felt more lost than ever. The job wasn’t the issue; it was the realization that no amount of external success could fill the void inside her. This is the uncomfortable truth: no matter how much we achieve, it doesn’t guarantee happiness or fulfillment. Progress, as we often perceive it, is a trap. It promises to make us happy, but more often than not, it leaves us questioning what it’s all for.
The Myth of Self-Control
One of the biggest misconceptions people have is the belief that sheer willpower can control everything in life—especially burnout. Many of my clients come to me thinking that if they just push a little harder, organize their time better, they can overcome any obstacle. But here’s the kicker: self-control isn’t just about willpower. It’s about understanding how emotions drive our actions, often in ways we don’t consciously recognize.
Consider a client of mine who ran a chain of dessert shops across Europe. She was burnt out but believed that if she just managed her time better, she could push through. Instead, she only sank deeper into exhaustion. It wasn’t until we addressed the emotional roots of her burnout—her fear of failure, need for validation, and underlying anxiety—that she began to regain control. Self-control, in the traditional sense, is an illusion. What truly matters is understanding the emotional triggers that drive our actions. Once you grasp that, you can start to reclaim control in a meaningful way.
Understanding Newton’s Laws of Emotion
Our emotions follow predictable patterns, much like Newton’s laws of motion. For example, anxiety doesn’t just appear out of nowhere; it builds over time, triggered by specific events or thoughts, and once it gains momentum, it’s hard to stop. This is Newton’s First Law applied to emotions: an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an external force.
Another client, a doctor in the UK, struggled with severe anxiety. His anxiety would build slowly, only to overwhelm him when he least expected it. The problem was, he didn’t have the tools to stop this emotional momentum. That’s where understanding your core values comes in. Your core values act as the gravitational pull that shapes your emotional responses. Once my client identified his core values, he was able to apply that external force to break the cycle of anxiety and make decisions that aligned with his true intentions.
Here’s a quick rundown of the emotional laws I’m talking about:
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite emotional reaction: Every experience triggers an emotional response, positive or negative.
Your self-worth equals the sum of your emotions over time: How you consistently feel about yourself shapes your sense of self-worth.
Your identity stays your identity until a new experience challenges it: You continue to see yourself in a certain way until something significant shifts that perception.
By understanding and applying these emotional laws, you can start to regain control over your emotional landscape and make choices that truly align with who you are.
Hope is Keeping You Stuck
Hope is often seen as a positive force, but in reality, it can be a trap. It keeps you waiting—waiting for circumstances to improve, for someone else to change, for a miracle to happen. This kind of hope paralyzes you, preventing you from taking the necessary steps to make real changes in your life.
Take another client of mine, a junior partner at a toxic law firm. His boss was abusive, yet he clung to the hope that things would eventually get better. He told himself that if he just waited it out, his boss might leave or change. But nothing changed, and his hope kept him stuck in a situation that was destroying his mental and emotional health. It wasn’t until we redefined what hope meant to him that he began to see things differently. By shifting his focus from wishful thinking to actionable steps, he was able to take control of his life, find a new job at another law firm, and break free from the cycle of excuses.
How to Make All Your Dreams Come True?
Most people believe that achieving their dreams will bring lasting happiness. They envision a life where everything falls into place—starting a successful business, getting that long-desired promotion, buying their dream home. But each time they achieve a goal, another one emerges on the horizon. It’s like checking off an item on a to-do list, only to find that another task has taken its place. This endless pursuit leads to a treadmill effect where you’re constantly moving, striving, achieving, but never truly arriving at the destination you imagined.
One client of mine spent years building her business from the ground up. When she finally reached the level of success she had always dreamed of, she found herself immediately setting her sights on the next goal: expanding internationally. The satisfaction from achieving her dreams was temporary, leaving a void that quickly demanded to be filled with the next big thing. This cycle often culminates in frustration, a sense of emptiness, and the realization that the dreams we chase aren’t the answer to our deepest need for meaning and purpose.
Pain is the Universal Constant
We all instinctively try to avoid pain, seeking comfort and stability instead. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: pain is an inevitable part of life’s journey. No matter how hard we try to dodge it, it always finds its way to us. The more we resist it, the longer it persists, turning into something far worse—suffering. Pain is a natural part of growth, but suffering is a choice.
After a devastating setback in my business, I realized that the only way out was through. We had to confront the pain head-on, learn from it, and use it as a catalyst for growth. It wasn’t easy, but in doing so, we emerged stronger, more resilient, and more aware of the role that pain plays in shaping who we are. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. And once you make that distinction, you can move forward with a newfound sense of purpose and strength.
The Feelings Economy
We’re living in an era where emotions drive so many of our decisions, often overshadowing logic and reason. This phenomenon isn’t just about the small, everyday choices we make; it extends into every corner of our lives. One client of mine was struggling with constant anxiety about her financial future. Despite having a solid plan, she found herself making impulsive purchases whenever she felt overwhelmed. Each time, she justified her decisions with thoughts like, "I deserve this," or "This will make me feel better." But the relief was short-lived, leading to a vicious cycle of emotional spending.
This is a perfect example of how the feelings economy works. We make decisions based on how we feel in the moment, often overlooking what we logically know is best for us. Understanding the influence of the feelings economy is crucial in learning how to navigate it more effectively—by acknowledging our emotions but not letting them dictate every move we make.
The Final Thought: Let Go of False Hope
Throughout my career, I’ve learned the importance of treating people, including ourselves, as ends in themselves, not just as means to an end. This principle is something many professionals struggle with, especially in environments where success is often measured by how quickly one can climb the corporate ladder. When you shift your perspective and start seeing relationships as opportunities for genuine connection and mutual growth, everything changes. You find that success becomes more organic, more fulfilling, and more aligned with who you truly are.
Letting go of false hope and embracing the reality of your emotions allows you to take meaningful actions that lead to real, lasting change. Hope, when misapplied, keeps you stuck. But when you let go of hope and focus on what you can control—your actions, your mindset, your emotional responses—you start to build a life that is truly your own.
This is the path to genuine fulfillment, where you’re no longer chasing after the next big thing but living in alignment with your true self. So, stop waiting, stop hoping, and start taking action today. Your future self will thank you.
