The Most Important Question
One of the most important lessons I have learned throughout my life is that even though we are somehow hardwired to seek and provide answers, what really matters is the questions to which we’re trying to find answers. If you are the first one to open your mouth, it suggests that you don’t listen very attentively. There’s nothing wrong with answering questions or embodying a personality which everyone turns to when they’re in a jam. However, if you are answering everyone’s questions, if you are solving everybody’s problems, it suggests that you’re not asking enough questions of your own or that you’re not looking deeply enough into your life to address your own problems. And again, there’s nothing wrong with that either. My take on this issue is that, when we’re mostly concerned with providing answers and solving other people’s problems, we are likely blindly stumbling through life.
There is one question I ask myself everyday before I get out of bed: Is my priority today being courageous or comfortable? There’s no right or wrong. There are days which I deliberately choose comfort over courage. And most days I choose bravery over commiseration. The important thing here is that I know what’s my purpose for the day. I know exactly what I’ll base my decisions upon, therefore, there’s no confusion. I found that when I don’t know my ultimate goal for the day, I inevitably end it with a weird feeling of emptiness. I am unable to decide whether my day was great, shit or anything in between.
The reason why deciding whether to be on the side of courage or comfort in a given day, is that I get to somewhat choose the feelings I am likely to feel during the day. Moreover, if I chose comfort in the morning and I’m feeling upset or frustrated when I lay my head on my pillow at night, at least I can navigate my self-talk towards a successful day even though I didn’t achieve much. That’s what comfort stands for. I knew where I was going, I went and now I am left with the feelings and emotions derived from such choice.
On the other hand, if I chose courage in the morning, I know for a fact that I will most likely have my ass handed to me on a silver platter. On more than one occasion if I’m lucky. This way, I am prepared to deal with the feelings and emotions associated with having the crap beaten out of me. Did I get my ass kicked and I’m feeling frustrated, embarrassed or shame? THAT’S SUCCESS!!! Courage implies failing on multiple occasions and getting back up for the next round. Travelling the easy route and going up against a weak adversary doesn’t require courage. But moving forward even though the odds appear against you and playing against someone just outside your league require courage.
To conclude, think about what you would tell your best friend if he/she was brave enough to try something greatly daring and whatever it was turned out to be a complete disaster. Would you finish beating the living hell out of him/her or would you try to show him the lessons, pick him/her back up and encourage him/her to keep on trying using the lessons learned? Well, my piece of advice here is: be your best friend when you get your ass kicked when you fail, because even Michael Jordan who was the greatest basketball player of all times missed more than half as many shots as he attempted. Nobody judges him for the shots he missed, but everyone acclaims him for those he scored. As Brené Brown brilliantly puts it: I’m not interested in or open to your feedback about my work, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion because you’re playing the game.
